Potpourri 2: Revenge of the Fallen

I guess I should mention right off the bat that, despite the title, this post will in no way deal with the new Transformers movie. But you have to admit that it does sound catchy and kind of menacing, like I might talk about some long-standing feud I’ve had here. Sadly, nothing that interesting happens here so I have to resort to hitting you with a collection of random, mostly pointless thoughts that I’ve had at various times while I’ve been here. So, without further ado, and with one more colon than is really necessary, I give you Potpourri 2: Revenge of the Fallen:

Bikinis and Flak Jackets

I went to a relatively small town for a friend’s wedding the other day. The wedding was great and all that, but I’ll talk about that another time. After the wedding, some of us decided to go to the only bar/club that existed in this town. We knew we were in for an experience when we had to pay a cover charge (unusual outside of really Westernized parts of Shanghai and Beijing). The charge was for a show of some sort that was to take place there. Lacking any other options, we paid the money and went in. Our first surprise was the presence of a group of security guards sporting helmets and flak jackets. They were apparently meant to discourage any trouble that might arise as a result of the show. (They didn’t, by the way.) Eventually we were treated to some dancing girls and a show that was honestly no racier than prime time TV in America. It was kind of awkward, though, because one of the guys’ girlfriends was there as well. I’ve always wondered what goes through girls’ minds when they’re watching a show that involves other girls running around in bikinis. Are you girls secretly judging the performers on a ten-point basis or a sliding scale or something? Are you really thinking, “I really love that outfit on her and those shoes are to die for! She’s moving really well and – oh, she just tripped a little. She’s going to lose some points for that…”

Tilting at… well, not windmills

The other day I went to the supermarket to buy a shower curtain rod for my bathroom. Of course this was after I bought a curtain rod that was the wrong size the first time. But the fact that I’m an idiot is not the point of this ramble. I’m even going to shift gears for a moment and talk to you about the shameful way that beggars use children here. I don’t know exactly where they get these kids (and I don’t really want to know because they’re definitely not the beggars’ kids), but the beggars teach them to run after people and beg for money. It doesn’t stop there, either. The kids purposely try to run in front of your legs so you can’t walk past them. The ones who work the turf outside of this particular supermarket even try to take things out of your bags. After the first 15 times this happens, you tend to move beyond ‘pity’ territory and into ‘highly annoyed’ territory. Anyway, as I was walking out of the supermarket with this shower curtain rod and one of these kids came running over in my direction, I admit that I briefly entertained the thought of fending it off with the curtain rod. In the end I decided against it, but I strongly suspect that the thought alone makes me a bad person.

A Chainsaw in Her Future?

There’s a female student that I have taught a few times who has what I can only describe as a strange face. Even though she’s about my age, her face looks like it might be made of leather. You know, it looks a little bit like a baseball mitt or a leather glove. But no matter how many times I tell myself this, I keep catching myself thinking, “Yeah, but it’s kind of an attractive leather glove.” I should note here that if the baby-jousting thing didn’t make me a bad person, I’m pretty sure that comparing girls’ faces to leather gloves (attractive leather gloves mind you) might tip the scales on that one. In other news, I might be losing my mind.

Irish Cream

Believe it or not, there are actually two redeeming things about shopping for food here. One of them of course is finding hilariously translated descriptions of the some of the products, which I think I wrote about a long time ago. The other would have to be the wonderfully bizarre combinations of products that packagers have managed to come up with. My personal favorite was the bottle of Baileys that had a tube of skin cream strapped to the side of it. Really? Baileys and skin cream? Who thought this was going to be a successful marketing ploy? Did they think that I would pass on the bottle of Baileys until I saw the skin cream attached and figured I just had to have it? Exactly who is sitting at home drinking their Baileys and thinking, “You know what I really wish I had to go with this liqueur? Some skin cream. I would slather that right on.”

The Obligatory Rocky IV Reference

And most importantly, will the directors of the Bank of China and the Bank of America meet in an epic boxing match to determine economic (and ultimately world) supremacy, single-handedly ending the Cold War, I mean Currency War, with the bloody and brain-damaged winner declaring to a stunned Russian (whoops, meant Chinese) crowd, "If I can change... and you can change... everybody can change"? Really, who wouldn’t pay to see this? The proceeds could go to hard-hit CEOs who have had to downgrade their Gates diamond-plated toilets to the ‘loser’ gold-plated edition. And as an added bonus, ticket holders could receive complimentary bottles of Baileys and skin cream.